Tongue and Cheek

Who I Would Hang Out With All the Time if I had the Chance:

Hitler.

Me and Hitler would go around all day, knocking over mail boxes, eating ice cream, and laughing at Judd Apatow films.

I would sit Hitler down, and force him to watch every single episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Seinfeld.


If Larry David had been born way earlier to make Hitler laugh....

then there would not have been a Holocaust.

Hitler would say, "Michael vat is DEES?!"

And I'd be like, Hitler- Dude- watch this....

And then I'd give him medicine for his syphilis

And then I'd listen to Pagliacci with him.

And then I'd be like, Hey, Adolf-

"Vat?"

Jack boots off of the table, man.

"Michael, zhey are not dirty, vat iz the problem?"

I- it's the principle of the matter, man.

"Vell, I just zhink--

Dude, g- jus- just get them off of the table

And then he'd call me a table Nazi.