Tongue + Cheek Nine

Once upon a time:



I was a masochist who twisted balloon animals at a Mexican restaurant.



Dicks. Everyone was, and everywhere there were: dicks.



Half the parents of the kids I serviced were dicks.



The staff would ask me to make them dick balloons.



And my supervisor was a dick. Consequently, he told me that protocol was to ask everyone if they wanted a balloon.





One night, after I had exhausted my usual clientele, I made my way to the bar...



I asked a woman if she cared for a balloon.



She replied that if she cared "for one god damn thing, it'd be for you to get me the $10,000 my no-good, fucking, piece of shit ex-husband owes me," or "if you can give me BACK the 10 god damn, fucking years he stole from me! So can you get me that? Huh?!"



I said, "No, but I think I understand..."



I quickly whipped up a Red Dick & Balls, tied it so I could separate the testes, and put them in both hands.



I held up the Dick.



"You didn't get enough of this."



I held up the Balls.



"So you wanted some of these."



I popped both of them and threw it in her third, empty, margarita glass.



"And THAT. Is your vagina."